i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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