I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize