Banned from zoo.
Again?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize