Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
