I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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