all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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