By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize