Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's shark week go big or go home
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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