i barfeds in our rink
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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