She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
