I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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