fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize