When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
