Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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