My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
