I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
