Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
