If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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