Just cropdusted the office
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
