i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
