Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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