Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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