Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
