i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
