This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
