So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
