I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Barsexuality is the new black.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize