8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
