I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I intend to get homeless drunk
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
