i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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