I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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