Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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