help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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