he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
