i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
