just tell him i said nine months
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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