Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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