im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
