I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
