I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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