Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
