There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the condom got lost in my hair
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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