i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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