I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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