I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
