new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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