Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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