she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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