meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
