I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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