i don't like sucking hair
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
