Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
