I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
