found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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