did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
