Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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