What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize