Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
