i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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