Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
