I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
