you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
