i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
