thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can text with my tongue
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
