the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
