She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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