i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
