There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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