I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
