Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
