Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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