I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
