K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
