Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
