the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
