I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
