i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
