I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
