You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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