Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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