so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
