but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she pinky promised me she was 18
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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