her vagine was all disorganized.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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