I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
