is your mom at the bar?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
