how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
