At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize