I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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