He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
bring money and cleavage
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
