smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
