Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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