when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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