I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
