You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
