On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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