so that wasnt chicken after all
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
