It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
