The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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