Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
