I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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