I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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