My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i believe in u and ur pee
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